Operation Annoy Squall!
by HoneyLemon
Summary: He's doomed...
1. Whenever, Wherever

Operation Annoy Squall!  
  
A/N: This is prolly another one-shot, but I'm not sure... well, anyway, welcome one and all to OPERATION ANNOY SQUALL!!  
  
Whenever, Wherever belongs to Shakira.  
  
Characters (c) Squaresoft. What's new...  
  
"Zell! Zell! Wake up! I've found a way to get on Squall's nerves!" Selphie yelled, throwing open the door and turning on the lights.  
  
"What?" he asked, up instantly. Nothing made him happier than pissing off Squall.   
  
"That Whenever, Wherever song! It ticks him off sooo bad!" she shouted, and Zell looked confused. Irvine appeared out of nowhere and stuck his head in the room.  
  
"That annoying catchy song by the girl with the nice ass." he said, and Zell nodded as Irvine walked away.  
  
"Hehehe.." Zell laughed.  
  
"So are we gonna get him?" she asked, and Zell nodded. They snuck down to hallway to Squall's room, and opened the door a crack. Selphie turned on her CD player, and cranked it up so loud everyone in the hallway heard it. Squall heard it too, obviously, and shot out of bed, swearing, and started to throw things at the wall that seperated his and Selphie's room. He started with small things, like pencils, then threw his alarm clock. Zell and Selphie laughed their asses off.   
  
The music was shut off, then, and Selphie turned around to see Quistis unplugging the stereo, her hair sticking out everywhere.  
  
"What?" she asked, and Quistis rolled her eyes.  
  
"You just woke up the entire dormitory, Selphie. Keep it down from now on, okay?" she said, and then Squall appeared in the hallway, seething with rage.  
  
"Who's...bright...idea...was..this?" he asked, and both Zell and Quistis pointed to Selphie. Selphie looked around, then shrugged.  
  
"I thought it was funny." she said, and Squall kicked the doorframe.  
  
"Funny?" he shouted, and kicked it again. Quistis walked over to him, then, and started to pull him away from them before his gunblade was in Selphie's throat.  
  
"Come on Squall, let's get some coffee." she said, and he reluctantly followed, swearing all the way.  
  
"Man, is he pissed!" Zell said, and ran a hand through his hair.  
  
"Just wait until tomarrow night!" Selphie cheered, and began to look through her CD collection. 


	2. The Posse Rolls Out!

Operation Annoy Squall  
  
Ch. 2  
  
ROLL-OUT!!!  
  
Thanks for all who reviewed-and especially Squall for giving me the idea to use Roll Out by Ludacris! Thanx! Well, I don't own any of the characters (They belong to Square) or the song(it belongs to Ludacris.) Well....here goes part two of the critically acclaimed...Operation Annoy Squall!!  
  
~SNS~  
  
It had been about a month since the Shakira incident, and Squall was finally sleeping again. He had refused to sleep just in case Selphie and Zell tried it again-he'd be ready for them. Quistis had kept an eye on them, recently, and didn't have any new news for him, so he was ready to slumber once again. All was right in the world of Squall Leonhart...for the time being.  
  
Unbeknownst to our hero, Seifer and his posse are already planning to disrupt his sleep!   
  
"Seifer, Do we really have to wear these things, ya know?" Raijin asked, pulling gold chains over his head, and Seifer nodded.  
  
"Yes, you do. And if you ask me one more time..." he began, but Rinoa kicked him in the shin in an attempt to keep him quiet. Rinoa had been more than a little pissed at Squall lately, and in the meantime had joined the posse. The only one who really cared was Fuijin because she liked Seifer.  
  
"QUIET." she snapped, and put on a huge pink hat with a large feather sticking out the side of it. Seifer was carrying the stereo, also with a similar hat on his head, and multiple imitation gold chains they had gotten out of a quarter machine at a Chinese restaurant. Rinoa was also wearing gold chains, but also had various rings (also from the quarter machine) with huge imitation diamonds and rubies in the center. Raijin complained so much he got off lucky, and only had on chains. They were quietly (or as quietly as possible wearing that much fake gold) making their way to Squall's dorm. Since Raijin had on the least amount of chains, he had to check to see if Squall was sleeping. He was.  
  
Seifer turned on the radio, then, and "Roll Out" began to blast out of the speakers. Squall was up in an instant, then stopped to see Seifer's whole posse decked out in imitation gold and pink fluffy hats, dancing to the music. After getting over the overall shock of it, Squall laughed until he nearly pissed his pants. That wasn't the reaction Seifer wanted, so he threw the stereo at Squall, knocking him in the head, and knocking him out cold. Seifer smirked, then, and beckoned for the posse to exit the room with the unconcious Squall.   
  
**  
  
Squall woke up with the headache from hell. He was gonna kill Seifer....but that was a little funny to see Fuijin dressed like a pimp...he thought, and snickered before grabbing his Gunblade with intentions to chop off Seifer's head... 


	3. Skater Boi! All the way from Spira

Operation Annoy Squall!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Sk8r Boi!!!  
  
A/N: Someone special's come all the way from Spira to annoy Squall...hehe...you'll find out if you keep reading! Thanx to all who reviewed, I LOVE YOU! heh... Well, here goes part three of the ongoing masterpiece! Characters still belong to Square, and Skater Boi belongs to Avril Lavigne (I think I spelled that right..)  
  
**  
  
After Squall nearly killed Seifer (he was narrowly saved by the Headmaster...he said it was funny everyone was annoying Squall since he was trying to kill them) he had given up sleeping. Completely. Except sometimes he'd sneak in a nap in class where he was safe. And he wasn't safe anywhere else! A week had passed, and Squall was not sleeping-ever! He was headed off to his dorm when Quistis stopped him and told him she was worried about him, he just shrugged her off, saying he was ok.   
  
He entered his dorm, then, and looked towards his desk...and saw a little blonde head. Someone was sleeping under his desk!  
  
"Excuse me...yeah...you....what are you doing sleeping under my desk?" he shouted, and the girl lifted her head up and stuck out her chin.  
  
"How am I supposed to know it's YOUR desk, huh?" she asked, then he pointed to his name plate, and she shrugged. "Didn't see that. By the way, name's Rikku. And yours is...Squall!" she said, and he rolled his eyes.  
  
"...whatever."   
  
"Where am I?" she asked, and he sighed loudly. Squall Leonhart was not one for patience.  
  
"Balamb."  
  
"Where..." she began, but he cut her off.  
  
"There's a map over there."  
  
"Ok, thanks!" Rikku shouted, and skipped to look at the map.   
  
"She'd put Selphie to shame." he mumbled, but she didn't hear him. Then she pulled out a CD from the pouch on her waist.  
  
"Can I play this? Pretty-pretty please?" she asked, and smiled at him.  
  
"What is it?" he asked and she grinned even bigger.  
  
"You'll like it! Everyone does! Well, everyone but the author!!" She shouted, and popped it in Squall's sound system. It was an evil song. Skater Boi.  
  
"TURN IT OFF!" he shouted, and she looked at him, and her lip quivered as she leaped back under the desk. He reached up to pull the CD out...and it was stuck. The volume control was stuck too. This girl had to be a witch.   
  
Irvine walked in, then, and started to laugh at Squall. "Didn't know you were an Avril fan, Squall." he said, and laughed, surprised to see a small blonde girl crawl out from under the desk.  
  
"Don't pick on Avril! She rocks!" Rikku shouted, and Irvine stepped back.  
  
"Hey, there. Didn't see you. Would you like to go downstairs and get some coffee?" he asked, and Rikku shook her head.  
  
"I hate coffee."   
  
"Okay," Irvine said, "How bout a Pepsi?"   
  
"I like Coke." she said, and he nodded.  
  
"Lemonade?"   
  
"Is it pink lemonade?" she asked, and he nodded.  
  
"Well...OK!" she said, and hopped out the door after Irvine, leaving Squall alone to deal with the CD. Even worse, the posse had heard him playing the song, and was standing in the door laughing their asses off.  
  
"YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY??" Squall shouted, and threw the CD player straight at Seifer, knocking him out cold. Then Squall stomped out of the room. At least that stupid song was over with. 


	4. Operation: Strip Squall! OhNO!

Operation Annoy Squall!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Operation Strip Squall!  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! I've had this for a few days, but my account was locked for Chat Connected...bloody hell! ;) I'm sick of writing disclaimers. Look on the front page for one. The parentheses are Squall's thoughts. Ex: (...whatever)  
  
Squall Leonhart pulled the covers over his head. Ever since Rikku had taken the job of being his "personal bodyguard" (after the whole Sk8er Boi incident!) Squall had been able to sleep in peace. Or so he thought.  
  
*Somewhere down the Hallway!*  
  
"So, what are we gonna do to him?" Rikku asked the two girls in front of her. At 5'2" she was exactly in the middle heightwise, but was probably tied with Selphie for perkiness, Rinoa wasn't exactly as perky, she was just flirty! Flirty, Perky, and Shorty! The Three Demented Musketeers!  
  
"Tie him up, dress him like Britney Spears, and I'll do the rest!" Rinoa said, and Selphie sighed.  
  
"What's the rest?" she asked, and Rinoa grinned.  
  
"I don't like getting dumped. He's gonna be REAL sorry." she said, and Rikku nodded.  
  
"He thinks he's safe! He doesn't know we've been planning this one for a few months!" she said, and Selphie smiled evilly.  
  
"Operation: Annoy Squall has now officially started!" she said, and the girls hi-fived each other, then took off to start the mission.  
  
*Squall's Room*  
  
Squall was having the nightmare from hell when the girls woke him up.  
  
He dreamed he was a bunny. Bunnies are very very very scary.  
  
Then he dreamed Rinoa was on top of him, kissing him, and he opened his eyes to find that...she was!  
  
"RINOA!" he shouted, and she covered his mouth with her hand.  
  
"Duct tape!" she called, and Selphie threw her a roll that she used to tape Squall's mouth shut.  
  
"Thank god we had industrial strength rope! Otherwise he probably would've broken it by now!" Rikku said, coming out of nowhere. Squall started screaming again when Rikku showed up, but Rinoa rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh, can't we just knock him out?" she asked, and Selphie shook her head.  
  
"Nope. I wanna see him naked." she said, and Squall's widened.  
  
"Aw, come on Selph, this is "Operation: Annoy Squall", not "Operation: Undress Squall!""  
  
Rikku said, and Rinoa grinned.  
  
"Operation Annoy Squall has been...postponed. It's time for Operation: Squall the Stripper!"   
  
(...oh no.)   
  
"No! I dun wanna strip him!" Rikku shouted, and Selphie started to giggle.  
  
"So what! I do!" Rinoa said, and Selphie shook her head.  
  
"No, don't. Just do what you have to do to get him in this!" She said, and pulled out a plaid miniskirt, white shirt tied above the belly button, and little fluffy pink things to go in his hair to finish the whole thing off.  
  
(...NO!!)   
  
"Hee hee..I get to strip him then!" Rinoa said...and proceeded to strip our hero. Poor guy.  
  
They had him in the miniskirt when someone knocked on the door. Seizing the moment, Squall began thrashing and screaming, hoping whoever it was would come in and help him. They tried.  
  
"Squall? What the hell..." Zell began, but Rikku jumped on him and knocked him down while Selphie locked the door.  
  
"Thought I locked it..." she mumbled, then Rikku pulled something out of Zell's hands.  
  
"A key!" she said, and threw it out the window.   
  
"C'mon, give me the fluffy pink things!" Rinoa called, and Selphie threw them to her.   
  
"What's going on?" Zell asked, and Rikku grinned.  
  
"Operation: Annoy Squall!" she said, and Zell grinned back.  
  
"Lemme help!" he said, and with Zell's help, all three girls managed to get Squall dressed...with some kneesocks and Mary-Janes too. Then Rinoa told them to untie him and stand back.  
  
"What the...Oh baby baby." Squall said, and started to dance.  
  
"Oh. My. GOD!" Selphie said, and realized what "the rest" was. Rinoa cast a mind control spell on Squall!   
  
"...my lonelyness is killing me! I must confess...I still believe!" he sang, and Rinoa thought she was going to keel over from laughing so hard.  
  
"Open the door!" Selphie shouted, and Zell unlocked it and swung it open. Then they brought "Squall Spears" out into the hallway, where he danced and sang for all of Garden.  
  
"Next time, we're using the red bodysuit!" Selphie said, and the three girls (and Zell) hi-fived each other. Then Rinoa cast Esuna on the singing Squall, and watched his face turn blood red as he ran back to his dorm.  
  
It was time to call it a night. 


	5. Aqua Squall!

Operation Annoy Squall  
Chapter Five  
Aqua Squall.  


A/N: Heehee. Squall's Angel helped out a little on this one, with the idea of using an Aqua song. And nah, I don't hate him. I love him. 

Squall Leonhart was all alone in the only place he thought he could possibly be safe. And that place was the local asylum, where he was surrounded by padded walls and blessed silence, except for the occasional problem with the guy next door singing "Me so Horny". But he could live with that. No giggling girls, no angry Seifers dressed in pimpin clothes. 

(Thank God.) 

Squall wasn't too afraid when he heard the door open to his cell, and heard a jingling of keys. _Probably just the night janitor_ he thought, then realized that there WAS no night janitor. 

"What the..." he began, but stopped in the middle of his sentence when he saw the...night janitor. 

"Squall Leonhart?" Pamela Anderson asked. Squall nodded, then wiped the corner of his mouth as he realized he was drooling. 

"Ye..Yes?" he asked, and the guard beamed. 

"There's a gift for you." she said, and handed him a tape that simply said, 'play me Squall!'. He sighed. 

"I don't have a stereo." he said, then started to stare at the blonde's boobs. 

"I have one." she said, and handed him a portable tape player. 

"Thanks." he said, and popped it in, only to hear a few notes before flipping it off and screaming. 

_"Be Happy! Come on let's go get it on..."_

"Oh my." the guard said, and covered her mouth. 

"Yeah. It's probably from Selphie." he said, and the guard looked puzzled. 

"Why would Selphie send you something like that?" she asked, and Squall shrugged, then began to think. 

"Pam Anderson knows SELPHIE?" he asked, and the guard chuckled. 

"You thought I was Pam Anderson? Hah...It's Quistis." 


	6. Mormon Squall!

Operation Annoy Squall!  
  
Chapter...I Forgot! Who cares, anyway??!  
  
A/N: Heehee. Sugar's all good! THANK YOU to all my reviewers, this fic's continued for you! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! : *sniffs* Special thanks to those who gave me ideas, whether I've used them or not, either way, I thank you and probably will end up using them sometime! Also, if anyone wants to send me a hug, hugs are always welcome. Yes, yes, I like hugs. Anyway, I ask my extremely religious readers to pardon me. It's just...well...the ones that chase me in a van are getting this chapter straight to them. GOD HELP ME! I'M BEING CHASED BY MORMONS DAMMIT!!!!!!  
  
~~  
  
Squall and Quistis (Pam Anderson) were actually on their way back to Garden from the Sunnyville Asylum when this happened. Unfortunately, they didn't make it without someone with their eyes and heart set on annoying Squall.   
  
((Dammit.))  
  
Quistis was driving the truck, and Squall was sitting in the back, rocking back and forth in the sheer terror of returning to Garden and being attacked by all the people that wanted to annoy him. Selphie, Rinoa, Seifer, Rikku, Raijin, Fujin, and even his best buddy Zell had all taken a shot or two at him, and he was more than scared of going back and never sleeping again. But, he had to, considering the Headmaster needed him to go on a mission for SeeD. And he was the leader of SeeD.  
  
((DAMMIT!))  
  
Suddenly, as our heroes were heading home, a song began to play. For a few blessed seconds, nobody knew what it was. Then...well...  
  
"What a friend we have in Jesus...."   
  
Squall screamed, and Quistis took a look outside to see who was chasing them. It wasn't Seifer, it wasn't Selphie...it was the Mormons.   
  
"NOOOOO!!" Squall began to scream, and Quistis began to drive faster.   
  
"Squall! Come to 'Family Bonding Night' with us!"  
  
"Never! He's MINE NOW!" Quistis shouted, and stopped the car to battle it out with the Mormons. Meanwhile, our true hero took this time to make a run for it and head into the woods, where he will more than likely have a face-off with the Blair Witch. But hey kiddies, that's next chapter.   
  
TBC 


End file.
